Miscarriage and pregnancy loss are traumatic experiences for most women who go through it, but the suffering is dealt with in silence and secrecy most of the time. In a raw and eye-opening newspaper article written recently by the Duchess of Sussex, in which she shared her own experience of miscarriage with the New York Times, she wrote, “Losing a child means carrying an unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few.”
And she is right. Pregnancy loss can cause an indescribable and unbelievable kind of pain to the woman who suffers through it, which can also spill over to the closest people who share her grief.
And as most women are trained and want to do everything that they feel to be their “lack” or “fault”, a significant number of women who suffer through miscarriage are quick to drag themselves through the trauma and loss, eager to make up for the “failure” and take the next steps of either trying again or finding other ways of conceiving.
While reclaiming something can be an understandable reaction to loss, most women put their mental and emotional health at their lowest priority and focus with urgency on their biological objective of conceiving again.
This can actually be counterproductive to the goal of getting pregnant and also harmful to the overall health of the mother.
Healing from miscarriage should be considered a crucial and required step prior to either trying again or exploring other fertility methods, or working towards acceptance of infertility.
Recovering from the physical exhaustion and trauma of miscarriage, processing feelings of denial, anger and depression, and dealing with thoughts of guilt and shame should be prioritised in ensuring that a woman holistically heals from pregnancy loss before she reassesses her options and prepares for her next steps.
Healing not only primes a woman’s body for another attempt at pregnancy but also helps her find much-needed clarity and peace in dealing with future plans that relate to an experience that was traumatic for her in the past.
In my work as a therapist, I have worked with a lot of women who discovered in the process of therapy that there is a lot of healing and unpacking to do first, before they actually feel prepared to face the topic of pregnancy again. And that is okay. Again, pregnancy loss can be incredibly traumatic. It may not be of the same gravity for every woman, but loss and grief is a shared fact in these experiences. And no matter the degree of pain, there is a need for support and healing.
If you are someone who has experienced pregnancy loss during fertility treatment and desires to move forward, but does not know where to start, allow me to help you begin the process by guiding you first through the path of healing from your trauma. Let’s discuss your experience and make sense of your grief and pain, before we write you a new chapter of your life as a woman, with or without children. Book a consultation with me and let us work on you to make sure that you emerge from your experience healed, feeling whole, and ready for whatever the next steps may be.